No, i'm only mildly obessed with wicked
Saturday, March 17, 2012
so i think this coming august i'm just going to peace out of the country for a good six months and live on a boat. both the parentals did it...might as well carry on the tradition and stave off adulthood and the real world as long as possible.
in other news: i'm finally gonna graduate. finally.
Wednesday, March 7, 2012
i love this livejournal. i've had it since middle school? 9th grade? Before I was an adult.
Emily died a couple weeks ago. Fuck leukemia. there was a shooting at Kelby's school yesterday...in the office right next to hers. she heard the whole thing. my friends are having children. blah blah blah... but seriously. what is going on?
we always live like there is going to be a tomorrow. like there is going to be another sunrise. like we have unlimited time. we don't. there could be some psycho with a gun on any given day, there could be an absentminded bus driver whenever...my heart my not start back up after one of its little pauses. UGH! GIVE ME MY CHILDHOOD BACK!
I've written in this thing FOR YEARS! LITERAL YEARS! about how badly I want life to speed up. WHAT THE FUCK WAS I THINKING?!?! This is just too much! I want to be a kid! I don't want to have to deal with massive loans and careers and life outside the classroom! I'm seriously not cut out for adulthood.
Monday, May 9, 2011
4:17AM - i can't sleep...
...so i figured i'd rant. i'm decent at ranting. probably because i have such a negative view on things most of the time. ugh.
really this is motivated by the fact that my best friend of ten years is moving to england (which reminds me of the fact that the other part of our trio has long since gotten married and forgotten about us and hasn't even bothered to call. or text. or email. or respond to any stupid facebook anything.), the vast majority of my friends have just graduated and i have the distinct pleasure of going back for a victory lap, paul is moving to pittsburgh for at least two years, i have no idea what i'm doing with my life, and i'm just fucking tired. it is four in the morning after all.
when did life start rushing by so quickly? i know that most of the time when i'm ranting it's about how i want to fast-forward to x point in my life. i really need to cut that crap out. i've somehow become Good Luck Chuck and those people i know who aren't getting married are having kids because they're already married. what gives? i feel like i just left high school! i'm not ready for this! i don't want this chapter in my life to start but it's already too late. there is nothing i can do about it; it is starting irrespective of my feelings on the matter.
i need a hug.
i'm just going to drop out of school and open a bakery.
Tuesday, March 22, 2011
Saturday, December 18, 2010
it seems that cooper robs me of my sleep. there is no reason i should be awake right now. i woke up 20 hours ago. had 3 hours of sleep before that. this is crazy. jax please.
Friday, November 12, 2010
In Tampa for the weekend thanks to ethics bowl. Being here feels weird and even weirder because I may end up here for grad school. Too many decisions during this trip...
Friday, September 24, 2010
Bad news: stupid on call phone went off so now I'm left watching South Park by myself.
Good news: it's the episode involving the Wheel of Fortune and an annoying ethnic group.
I've been getting really homesick the last couple days (something very out of the norm) but all together, I'm a very happy Shayna. If there was less homework in my life.
Saturday, September 11, 2010
Not that this really requires an entire post, but I feel the need to document the fact that no matter how much I complain, I'm incredibly blessed. Being in NJ normally makes me feel like crap, but after the texts I got today I just feel at peace in the universe (aaand that comment makes me sound like a hippy. Or my mom..).
I don't know what the future has in store for me, but for the moment (at the very least) that is perfectly fine. I am lucky, I am loved, and I am doing what makes me happy.
Yesterday was my mom's mom's 103rd (or maybe 104th) birthday. Today marks my longest relationship. Tomorrow I go back home. Time passes, things change, and apparently I grew up a little bit somewhere along the line.
Contentment is a very nice feeling.
Saturday, August 21, 2010
Finally a load off my mind. Came down to SoFla for the weekend..it was interesting. I have to come back the weekend after next for yet another doc appointment. Oh well, such is life. I don't think I've had a stomach ache as bad as the one I have right now in years, BUT this means that my body is finally getting itself back together. WITHOUT pills! I hate the way I feel right now, but I'm just trying to concentrate on the blessing that this is. I like having options and I am close to tears (of joy) because I think I'm slowly getting some of the ones I lost back. I've kicked myself over and over again for being a stupid and insecure teenager (leaving stupid and slightly more secure adult me angry over the consequences of my actions), but at this point there isn't anything I can do about it. What is meant to be will be. That's all there is to it.
Tuesday, August 17, 2010
9:00AM - I lied.
I am actually ticked off. You fucking sat there in my fucking RA's room with the fucking door open watching me try to move everything by myself. Did you not see how much I was struggling? I'm not strong enough to carry a fucking fridge by myself. And then you wonder why I sound "ticked off". I am in so much fucking pain today because you wouldn't help me! I'm too fucking prideful to ask for help and you know it!!! How can you act like that if you care about me????? How dare you sit there watching a movie and waving at me when I clearly need help.
None f this has been actuallyentioned yet. When hebasked why I sounded so upset I dismissed it with "I'm just in a really bad mood. Don't worry about it". I avoid confrontation at all costs but you etter believe I can't let this one go unspoken. I'm hurting too much to do that. Physically and mentally.
Saturday, August 7, 2010
11:18AM - Woman-y rants
I need to do one of two things:
A. stop thinking about marriage (meaning no more looking at friend's pictures, watching Say Yes to the Dress, talking about it, etc) OR
B. actually man up and say something about it.
I mean seriously, for someone who thinks about it as much as I do, I have yet to say anything. Why? Because I don't want to scare anyone or get hurt or one of those many what if's. The last time I even brought up post UNF I was met with "That's still a year away. Don't worry about it" I DO WORRY!!!! I worry a LOT! Worrying is my usual MO! I want answers! If you don't want to have a future with me, I'd like to know. Now. Better yet, I'd like to know 10 minutes ago. Please. Not that this is a waste of time, but if you don't want to have a future with me I'd like to find someone who does. I'm not saying that I necessarily want a proposal rightnowomgrightaway! I just want to know if this is going somewhere.
All of that out of the way, I realize that nowhere is marriage promised. It isn't something I can claim for my life. Maybe I'm not meant for it and I won't know for another many years. I want to know now though!!! I'm impatient! I am so terrible with things that I know I don't know.
What happens when we go to different grad schools? What if we wind up in different states? I don't think I can do long distance again. I would if I had to, but the thought scares the crap out of me.
To sum up: I'm impatient and very good at rushing things. I need to stop thinking about things that I'm not assured of, that aren't true, that I may never have/get/be/etc.
Sunday, August 1, 2010
Keturah and I went swimming tonight. I had this flashback to my 15th birthday when I got convinced that there was something in the waterfall. I'm in a fairly emo mood right now (not just because of that... Cooper has that sort of effect on me) this quote from Garden State says it all "You know that point in your life when you realize that the house you grew up in isn’t really your home anymore…all of the sudden even though you have some place to put your shit, that idea of home is gone…or maybe it's like this rite of passage…you will never have that feeling again until you create a new idea of home for yourself, for your kids, for the family you start. It’s like a cycle or something. Maybe that’s all family really is: a group of people that miss the same imaginary place."
Wednesday, July 14, 2010
The word "wedding" is hereby banned from my vocabulary until further notice. Instead of obsessing over what isn't, I shall spend my time focusing on what is true, honorable, right, pure, lovely, and admirable.
Monday, July 12, 2010
New Jersey was special as always. This time we were joined by my dad's mom. It was the first time she'd been up in the area (and seen my mom's mom) since my folks got married. There weren't really any surprises this time either. I knew that I was going to be called "Alice" by my mom's mom, I knew my mom would freak out over her mom, and I pretty much expected that my mom and I were going to butt heads frequently. What I wasn't expecting was my behavior on the flight up. I started crying right after getting out of the car when I got dropped off, and kept crying until I fell asleep shortly after we took off. To call it weird doesn't do it justice. I think I was probably just tired and cranky, but I could not for the life of me calm the hell down. I hate flying. I hate leaving Jacksonville. I hate knowing that my grandmother has no clue who I am most of the time (she complimented my/Alice II's new glasses too- I wore my contacts the entire trip...). Growing up sucks. It is always wonderful to return though. There is nothing quite like that feeling of being picked up from the airport by people you love.
Monday, July 5, 2010
I have the strangest craving for mushrooms. Currently working on figuring something else to eat with said mushrooms. Maybe toast?
Wednesday, June 23, 2010
I need longer shorts. Time to purge the closet.
...in other news, I shall be pursuing seminary after UNF. Fingers crossed it'll be Union in NYC, but that is highly unlikely. Time to start the hardcore search for other schools. And as a random side note, I found out today that there are Masters programs in "Theology and the Arts". Want. Superwant.
Monday, June 14, 2010
12:27AM - I <3 Keturah
Keturah Lilli Robison: there's this little button.....called "adjust thumbnail" - you should utilize it. because you are NOT the top part of a castle. just sayin'
Keturah Lilli Robison: but not your real thumbnail. it's all cool. just the faceybook one
Shayna Leigh: i am TOTALLY the top part of the castle. and the side part. and the bottom part. and the other part. and that part too. i'm a freakin castle.
Keturah Lilli Robison
nope. cause that would make you fat
Keturah Lilli Robison
therefore, by the transitive property, shayna=castle
Keturah Lilli Robison:
this does not transfer
Shayna Leigh: I AM TOTALLY TALL!!!
Keturah Lilli Robison:
Keturah Lilli Robison:
castles = banners flying
Keturah Lilli Robison:
castles=grey and dingy
shayna=pink and sparkly
Shayna Leigh: I HAVE MORE TURRETS THAN YOU CAN SHAKE A STICK AT!!! ...and i have banners too. i just keep them in a box with my crowns.
Keturah Lilli Robison: castles=many doors, some of which are WIDE open ....castles are tri-Delts?
castles=surrounded by moats
shayna=surrounded by scary empty building
i could keep going...
Shayna Leigh: scary empty building=form of moat. minus the gators.
Keturah Lilli Robison:
castles are tri-delts
Shayna Leigh: i love you. just sayin.
Friday, May 28, 2010
I have just discovered the problem with dating a guy with devout Catholic parents. Because my mom just totaled her car (that is i suppose the conclusion to all of the car drama), she didn't want us driving down there for the day so she decided that it would be better for us to just stay the night Friday and Saturday and drive back to Jax on Sunday morning. I told her I'd have to run it by him, and he told me it was fine so she went ahead and did it. When he just discussed this with his parents, it did NOT go over very well. Apparently, this "sends the wrong message" and it's "not right" if we aren't planning on getting married any time soon. His parents seem to think that we conned my parents into doing this (IT WASN'T EVEN MY IDEA!!!!!). They also added that ultimately, it was his decision, but that they weren't pleased about it. This, of course, puts Paul in a bad place. He doesn't want to make them not happy, and he doesn't want to make my family not happy. I don't want to cause issues with his parents, and I REALLY don't want them to hate me. My mom is being oddly supportive on this one (maybe her medication got changed?) and has told me not to worry, that everything will work out and she'll do whatever is necessary to make sure that I have a great birthday. agg.
Tuesday, May 25, 2010
I seriously need to cut this whole passive-aggressive crap out. I've been upset for most of the day and haven't said a damn word about it. This does absolutely nothing for me, it only makes me more pissed off when the object of my annoyance doesn't pick up on the fact that I'm ticked.
In other news, BIRTHDAY SOON!! Going to go run around Disney with Paul and Talia and then come back up here for big dinner with other people the next day. Hopefully this will mean that I'm okay to go to work and then class on Sunday, but even if I'm a little groggy it's my 21st birthday and I deserve to have a good time. So there.
Tuesday, May 18, 2010
My mom was in a wreck yesterday. She was on her way to work and got hit by someone going 50+ mph when she was inching around a blind corner. Nothing broken, but she was burned and cut up pretty badly... Neither of the parents let me know until I called my dad earlier when he said "...can I call you back? the insurance company is calling about your mother's wreck." No clue how they're going to deal with the car, apparently the front was smashed to smithereens. Sigh. I'm never getting in a car again.
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